Strength training (weightlifting, calisthenics, and all manner of resistance training) gets a bad rep, especially with some women.
Listen up: No other kind of exercise is as beneficial as strength training. It tones lose skin. 1 It makes us stronger. 2 It’s the only thing we can do that actually increases resting metabolism. 3 Done at a quick pace, strength training is high-quality cardio. 4
Strength training is boss. In many respects, strength training is even better than sex. Don’t believe me? Here’s my list of 8 ways a lift is better than a lay: 5
1. Cleanliness: Working out unshowered? BFD. 6
2. Rigor: When you strength train, you set the pace & the intensity. Want to go hard? Hit it hard. Want to take it light? Slow down. Breathe. Good. Oh, yeah…oh god, yeah… just like that.
3. Disease: Worried about contracting a sexually transmitted disease? The only thing you’ll contract strength training is muscle.
4. Frequency: If you like, you can lift 6 or 7 days a week. Unless you’re an egg, there’s no way you’re getting laid that often. 7
5. Satisfaction: Whether or not you’ll orgasm during sex is anybody’s guess. Lifting almost always leaves you feeling energized, satisfied and accomplished. Beat that, blue balls.
6. Formalities: Barbells will never ask to cuddle. Kettlebells never feel fat. A free weight never feels the need to tell you how big 8 it is.
8. Numbers: You can strength train alone, with a partner, or with a group. Alright, alright – the same goes for sex; 7 out of 8 ain’t bad.
- Which is to say, it builds the muscle under the skin, giving said skin something to wrap around, which makes it look and feel tighter. That’s what ‘tone’ is. No, really. ↩
- This one time I was training this chick and she was all like “Now, I don’t want to be *too* strong – I don’t want to get, like, muscly – I just want to get toned.” I’m still recovering from that one. ↩
- “Nuh-uh! Green tea totally increases resting metabolism!”
No, it doesn’t.
“Well, eating 6 small meals a day increases metabolism. That’s a fact.”
No. No, it doesn’t.
“Ginseng! Acai berries!”
- ’Whatever. I prefer to walk on a treadmill for hours on end watching Extreme Home Makeover.’
Go nuts. ↩
- Delivered with my tongue firmly in my cheek. You like a firm tongue, don’t you? ↩
- It means Big F-ing Deal. ICYMI. ↩
- Yes, Captain Humorless, an egg only gets laid once. Thanks for the the correction. How’re those interpersonal relationships going? ↩
- …or hard… ↩
- … ↩
- … ↩
- Eeeeiwwwww… ↩