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Haters Gonna Hate (A Note on Your Critics)

Kelly Coffey
4 Comments

You’re doing something new in the service of your 1 health. You’re lifting weights. You’re eating all whole, real food. You quit talking to your back-stabbing “friend.” You stopped huffing glue, or smoking tryptophan. You’re eating mindfully. You threw away your scale. You’ve stopped eating based on convenience and begun eating as we evolved to eat 2. You’re meditating 3 everyday. Whatever you’re doing, you feel GREAT.

Cue the haters: “But WHY?!” “That’s a little extreme, don’t you think?” “It’s just not normal.” “You’re being irrational.”

If you’re anything like me, when other people question your choices, you begin questioning your choices, too.

“What if I AM being irrational?”

Maybe you are. Maybe you make bad choices. Maybe you’re bat-shit crazy. I see those people downtown all the time, and odds are one of them’s gonna read my blog someday, so I won’t rule it out as a possibility.

But odds are you made your choice based on self-knowledge, self-love, and sound information. You’re not nuts. You’re not being irrational. You’re being smart. You’re showing yourself some caring attention. You’re taking initiative. You’re choosing the good thing over the easy 4 thing, and you deserve a firm high-five.

The fact is this: When people see you making good changes while they keep doing the same-old-same-old, they feel – shall we say – icky: “She’s not eating sugar. I bet she thinks she’s better than me.” “She’s not huffing glue? I bet she thinks I should stop huffing glue, too.” “I don’t even meditate 5 once a year. She’s just showing off.”

Most everyone is self-obsessed. Most everyone interprets everything they see and hear as though it were in reference to them, even your deeply personal self-care efforts. When you start to take better care of you, it makes folks who don’t necessarily take the greatest care of themselves feel judged. 6 Others may simply covet your success, and want the pleasure of knocking you down a wrung or two.

Shake it off, Grasshopper. Let the haters hate. 7 They’re not uncomfortable about your decision: they’re uncomfortable about what they think your decision says about them. Move on, head high. Don’t waste your breath defending your choices. Stand tall, stand firm, and take good care of yourself.

Haters gon’ hate. You’re doing great.

Notes:

  1. mental, emotional, spiritual, physical, or sexual
  2. …and in a way that will bring you into – or help you naturally maintain – balance.
  3. …or mastubating…
  4. or just habitual
  5. masturbate
  6. If they’re attacking your choices, odds are they know – if only subconsciously – that they could stand to make a change themselves. But denial is powerful, willing to protect its host at any expense. If you imagine your choices might kick up someone’s denial reflex, be sure to wear strong armor and/or a good sense of humor.
  7. Conversely, if you’re move evolved than me, look upon them with compassion and love. All humans need it, and most of us deserve it.
Showing 4 comments
  • Soog
    Reply

    Good stuff once again Kel.

  • Hillary Viswanathan
    Reply

    Found your blog a few days ago and I can’t stop reading. I love your writing style and your story – thank you so much for sharing! I have a similar story and your expression of the journey is spot on and poignant. Bravo Strong Coffey! Looking forward to more and sharing with my people!

    • Coffey
      Reply

      Thanks, Hillary! I’m sorry you can relate, but I’m so grateful that there are folks out there like me, and I’m not alone. And I’m thankful I have this handy tool to help bring us together.

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